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I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
Memes
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.