Get jokes

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?

A slow clap.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

How are apples and orphans different?

Apples get picked.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.