German jokes
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
Germany is...
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?
"Ajous".
I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?
How do you know when German people break into your house? When you can not find your bed.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.