German jokes
U die from robot bite.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
Germany is...
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?
"Ajous".