German jokes
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"
That's the best I've done so far.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
What do you call German weed?
Mustard Gas.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
What did the German Shepherd dog say to Hitler?
"Mein Führer ist steckenbleiben in meinen Zähnen."
Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.
Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.
How tall does the grass grow in Germany?
Zis high!
Do you know 6+3?
Other person: Nine.
Nein is no in German.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.