German

German jokes

Job

  • I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?

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    Light Bulb

  • How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

    Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.

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  • Professor

  • A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

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    Oven

  • Nobody

    Literally nobody

    Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

  • 5
  • Border

  • I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

  • 0
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    Approximation

  • The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.

    (Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)

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  • Girl

  • I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

  • 1
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    Phone Call

  • Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

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