Garden jokes

A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.

The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”

MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”

What’s a pedophile’s favorite type of garden?

A KinderGarden.

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.

The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.

Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?

Kid: A garden?

Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?

Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.

This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!

Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"

What is long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cucumber.

What do you call a vegan slut?

A garden ho!

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"

Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?

A: Because when you're there, you're family.

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷

Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.