Funny jokes
None of these jokes are close to funny! Btw, who the hell is Gwen?
Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.
Very funny battery joke.
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What type of game is Africa playing at the moment?
The Hunger Games!
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
Because her lipstick!
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."