Fucking jokes

What do you call a club that owls go to?

Hooters.

Knock knock.

Who is there?

Mother.

Mother who?

Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!

I ain't f***ing with you, there's 1 million things I'd rather f***ing do.

"Being broke is a disease, stay the fuck away from me."

Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.

Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!

I FUCKING FAILED THE FUCKING CHALLENGE. FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKKKKK

Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu na na na na na na!

Period: Guess who’s back... back again...

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

What sound does an Indian make when you're trying to fuck it? ieieieie.

Knock knock.

Fuck you!

Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.

"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"

Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f

* * *

What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?

I want to fuck them both.

Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says mo mo.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says maa maaa.

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."