How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!
Fucking Jokes
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.
"Fuck you, do something about it!"
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? I fucking hate their whiny asses and beat them up.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.
Why did I beat up the orphan? Because he was a whiny bitch who wouldn't shut the fuck up.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
Nepali people are so fucking racist, like I want them all to be extinct.
Obi-Wan be like:
"To Darth Maul, lightsabers are blue, lightsabers are red. I cut you in half, why the fuck aren’t you dead?"
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
If this pops up on your timeline, fuck you!
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
