Fucking jokes

I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.

I want my fucking feet back!

My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.

F*ck my ass.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

What did the penis say to the condom?

"Cover me, I'm going in!"

What do you call a club that owls go to?

Hooters.

What's the difference between depression and a girl?

XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.

Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).

What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them.

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because fuck society, that's why!

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

I fucked your mum!

Fuck off!