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Fucking jokes

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

What's the difference between depression and a girl?

XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

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    • There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"

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    • What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?

    There's twenty of them.

    I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

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    • I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

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    • A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

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    • Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

    A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.