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My friends hate when i make skeleton jokes.I guess i need to put more backbone into it.

Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled “DUCK!” then “MOTHERDUCKER!”. Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.

what’s the most unrealistic part of harry potter???..

a ginger with friends

There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each were granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said “i wish to go back home.” The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, “im lonely i wish my friends were back here.”

what do you call a kid with no friends? A Sandyhook survivor

What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once but he couldnt tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his ar

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he’d had. He started counting but fell asleep.

So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight ." Her friend said “No, it’s 666-3629.”

went to my friend’s house f...ed his sister

i hade a fun fenaral / birthday

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

What’s the worse thing about having a congolese friend?

He always needs a hand.

Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”

Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday Friend: What were the tests about? Me: Japan

A friend asked me, “Where are you going?”

I answered, “6 feet underground.”

I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad.

He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.

Man, my Muslim friend’s the bomb!