Friend Jokes

Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult "I know the whole truth" they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom "I know the whole truth" and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said "I know the whole truth" and his dad gave him 40$ an said don't tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said "I know the whole truth" then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

F is for friends who don't talk to you. U is for Ur alone. N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

Slapped cheese on my white friend told him I like cheese on my crackers

what do you call a kid with no friends? A Sandyhook survivor

So today i heard a friend say she had a stalker, i can confirm i ́ve never seen a stalker following her.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting but fell asleep.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends I milk a cow and it took awhile for it to warm up and his brother came over and said we don't have cows we have Bulls

Gow do you keep tour friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

*Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman*

What would you rate this woman?

A 7

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends? Because it’s a fungi.

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, I hope that wan't to much to (Handel), (Dont) let it (Strauss) you out. For all of my musicians out there!

Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday Friend: What were the tests about? Me: Japan

My friends mother thought a kid who had autism and downsyndrome. He called him a “double down”

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever, and his friend asked did you get any head and the guy said no I couldn't find it.