Friend jokes
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
dcfdf
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."