Friend jokes

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.

(meaning sad)

All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.

Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!

My friends: Hi to my little friend!

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

I beat up my twin friends with a plane.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.

Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?

Hard cheese! 🧀😂