Friend jokes

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.