my friend; yo stupid me; is that right and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you einstien My friend; rolls eyes and says whatever me; keep on rolling them you might find your brain in there

If you spin a fidget spinner You’ll end up spinning it too fast when you end up spinning it too fast It will make you fly away when you fly away you’ll end up in a tree when you end up in a tree You’ll see that your friends are hanging out without you When you see that your friends are hanging out without you You’ll run away in the woods because your sad When you ran away in the woods you’ll see a bear when you see a bear it will chase you when the bear chases you you’ll build a fort to protect yourself when you build a fort to protect yourself You than notice your lonely You’ll become friends with the bear When you become friends with a bear, you’ll start to act like a bear when you start to act like a bear You will become a bear DO NOT BECOME A BEAR NEVER PLAY WITH A FIDGET SPINNER

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose tell his family he/she was a fruit now he/she’s a vegetable at least there still in the produce section

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called fi. One day Fi hit Rebecca and Rebecca lost service. Rebecca said to Fi “Why-Fi”

Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He’s a pain in the ass.

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue asks, “Hey, what’s your body count?”

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, “I’m talking about sex.”

The man then turns back and mumbles, “Oh… I thought you saw inside the basement…”

“Wait, wha…”


I’m friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, “Veronica, I just stopped a rape.” The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, “I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go.”

How ISS greets their friend. You the BOMB

“I really hate cats” my friend replied with" you gotta be kitten me."

My friend told me an emo joke once and I said ¨emo jokes aren´t funny, cut it out¨

Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well…Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, “No bitch !” She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew…wakes-up jumps out of bed and he’s in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, “Anything left for me Mother?” Andrew asks “Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again.” *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself “Man…I’d suck a dick for some water right now.” his mom storms back after hearing what he had said "I’ll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "

Friend: how dark is ur humor Me: …it… Friend: no Me:smilesGETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!! Friend: why are you like this?

Me: Hey wanna know my spirit animal

Friend: Sure

Me: Road kill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now

Friend: Wait, aren’t you dead

Me: Aren’t you my son

Friend: So that’s what mom was trying to hide from me

what do you call a best friend that smokes weed?

A pothead. Just because he’s your friend, you don’t have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?

My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

a friend of mine chews gum lays back to yawn then chokes on the gom then i said god what u choking on dick?

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

I have a trans friend. He is in a polymers relationship and would be straight if they had a dick