Friend

Friend jokes

Blonde

    • A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!

    The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"

  • 0

    • Will Smith

    • Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

    So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

    Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

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    • Purpose

    • I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

    The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

    Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

    I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

    Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

    John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

    He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

    By Lewis

  • 3

    • Noose

    • My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

    I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

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    • Friend memes

    Competition

    • So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

    Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

    Frank: Yo

    Fred: Hi...

    Frank: U heard about de competition?

    Fred: Yeah...

    Frank: You wanna hang out?

    Fred: .......

    Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

    Fred: ...I(

    Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

    Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

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    • Wave

    • Me: That’s a good WAVE.

    Friend: I SEA it.

    Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

    Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

    Friend: I SEA what you did there.

    Coffin

    • A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

  • 1

    • Bear

    • I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

  • 0

    • Swing

    • Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

    Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.

    Life

    • In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”

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    • Dare

    • My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.