i was in cooking class and my teacher said - does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?
me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
long story short the teacher understood the joke and now we are both in daily therapy 😭💀
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i've got a great spot! me: *grabs nuce and runs to my closet*
Me: Knock knock....Friend: who's there? Me: I don't know anymore
best friend makes 9/11 joke
you: hey my dad was inside the tower
best friend: im sorry
you: I always knew he was a great pilot
My friend has a dry sense of humour
Probably bc her body was decomposed ages ago
Me:if the skinny person goes skinny dipping then what do fat people do?
my friend: Chunky dunks
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out... The tree ghosted her
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.
My friend; you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. he said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
My friend while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: You're priceless When we get to the checkout: I'm actually $2.50
what's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school.
when you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely? Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said you are what you eat. He then proceeded to run away from me.
What do you call when a friend calm his suicidal friend? Hang in there buddy
So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
