Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that

Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA

I have an EpiPen

Friend gave it to me when he was as dying

It seemed really important to him that I have it

knock knock who’s there? depression… that’s my best friend.

Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.”

Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.”

Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.”

Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…”

Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’

So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

my friend died from an allergic reaction.he gave me an EpiPen while he was dying so now i have something to remember him from.

i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression

me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don’t it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

Why did potassium draw a tear that would consult in him crying?

Because all of his friends argon

Friend:How dark is your humor? Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis

Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said “it’s time to go sweetie” but before we could go someone said “stop them they have my daughter!”

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. – He was high on my list of priorities.

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

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