Friend

Friend jokes

Zombie

  • I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...

    no one could tell that it was their blood.

  • 0
  • Alarm Clock

  • Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.

    Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.

    Bach

  • So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."

    For all of my musicians out there!

  • 0
  • EpiPen

  • I have an EpiPen.

    My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

    It seemed really important to him that I have it.

  • 2
  • Loneliness

  • F is for friends who don't talk to you.

    U is for Ur alone.

    N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

  • 3
  • Roulette

  • My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

  • 1
  • Life

  • Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

    Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

    Then there is me: My life.

  • 1
  • Suicide

  • Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

  • 0
  • EpiPen

  • My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

  • 0
  • News

  • The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

  • 7
  • Marriage

  • A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

    "Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

  • 1
  • Pussy

  • Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

    Other Friend: Sure.

    Friend: Pussy.

    Other Friend: I don't get it.

    Friend: And you never will.

  • 0
  • Funeral

  • My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

  • 49
  • Susie

  • Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

    Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

    Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

  • 0