Friend Jokes

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

Give a like if I have no friends.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late, his best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure" he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?' "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.

My friend: "Yo, stupid." Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?" My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever." Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

My friend and I were walking down the street and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by 3 other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help.

He had no chance against the 5 of us.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.

My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said why did you call me a female

Mum: if your friend jumped of a cliff would you Me: oh yeah no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first

why arent emos n trees friends? cus the tree leaves them hanging

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

Friend: did your tattoos hurt Me: nah not really Friend: What did they feel like Me: 7th grade Friend:😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

Me and my friend went to the park, after a while we grabbed our little princess and said "it's time to go sweetie" but before we could go someone said "stop them they have my daughter!"

Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms. Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms. Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her. Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms. Why did sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.

Me: I kiss my mom on the lips Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor- Me: Lower lips Friend: I gotta go

my friend: you really need to stop the sh jokes Me: But their not that long

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him", so i couldn't do a fatality. I was confused but i understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.