Friend Jokes

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it) I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one

My only friend who actually cares: Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!

Me: Okay I’ll cut it out.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

Roses are red my mental health is blue Karen got no mom like you.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later? I said yea I was gonna hang there

My friend: you ever feel like life is pointless *drives faster* Me: yea- My friend: if you could die with one person who would it be? *speeds up more* Me: H-hey you should slow down! slow down slow down! were about to-

*Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman*

What would you rate this woman?

A 7

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

somebody told me to cheer up so....i told him to pass me a rope :)

get a calculator. ok anyways sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs)and her friend said it was 222 many,she got caught by the police and was taken to 51 street.she got arrested for x8 days,so she was BOOBLESS

dont you just hate when your the first one sleep at the sleepover and then you hear ''Prank em John"

jimmy does stand up comedy he says “what do you call an orangutang”

jake replies “YOU” then everyone including the teacher laughs jimmy cries

LOL

Me-"Whats the difference between an apple and an emo" Friend-"i dont know" Me- an apple actually falls from the tree

So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, I hope that wan't to much to (Handel), (Dont) let it (Strauss) you out. For all of my musicians out there!

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends? Because it’s a fungi.

So my dad was drinking so he was drunk and I was sad 😢 but can you be my friend pls

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch)

Why did Steven hawking have no friends?

He couldn’t stand anyone...

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult "I know the whole truth" they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom "I know the whole truth" and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said "I know the whole truth" and his dad gave him 40$ an said don't tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said "I know the whole truth" then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.