Friend

Friend jokes

Brain

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

Tattoo

Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

Me: Nah, not really.

Friend: What did they feel like?

Me: 7th grade.

Friend: 😢😢😨😰😰😰😨

Student

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

Comeback

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

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  • Suicide

    My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

    Turtle

    A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

    "Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

    The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

    Pen

    Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.

    Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.

    Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.

    Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.

    Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.

    Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.

    Bullying

    My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

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  • Loneliness

    When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life

    Lip

    Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.

    Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-

    Me: Lower lips.

    Friend: I gotta go.

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  • Guy

    So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

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  • Female

    My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"

    Fighter

    I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

    I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

    Emo

    Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.

    Cliff

    Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

    Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

    Wrist

    I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

    Daughter

    Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

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