When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Once my friend was saying something dumb and I was like I Campbell-eve you just said that.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it's early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" *Lauren hears noise* Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: *laughs* Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother Mikey*
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?
Asking for a friend.
whats the pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy story *i got a friend in me*
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates? If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all! :D
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all and If i could borrow it.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend
Friend: wow thanks, i'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: you're what
so, a few hours ago my friend said i need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes...like...it's really not that deep?
me: can i get ur mom number? friend: here u go: me: ohh strange i already had it.
My friend just got a new house, he told me to make myself at home, so i threw him out. I hate visiters.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom and you look at your friend cause it’s the kid you predicted
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league"
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says "oh my god your shoulders are broad!" another woman says "are you sure it's a woman?"
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that
Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal
