Me: Do you like smash?
Friend: Smash Rolls?
Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!
Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
My friend that was in a wheel chair was getting bullied so I said stand up for yourself.
Why is an orphan and a dog friends?
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? friend :why? me: because they don't have a mother or fathers day
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.
Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).
P.S. I have no friends.
An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country.”
The Asian man says “I’m here traveling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of fried rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong”
My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?
A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything.
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
