Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin? Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
when you know you have a gay friend but you find out that they like you-
we were versing year 8 at footy and they were mostly black so, I told a my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!
I was at school with friends one of my friends had hair in her armpits the rest day of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything until on of my friends laughed and told she had hair in her armpits so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly"
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
(one of my friends gave me this) Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
I told my friends that are gay that my hairlines straighter then he will ever be
Bro the twin towers are like my grandpa and his friends one survived/ my grandpa the others have fallen/ his friends
Are you for head and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back
🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes! "
"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon"
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly there was also two towers included in the box as well..
get a calculator. ok anyways sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs)and her friend said it was 222 many,she got caught by the police and was taken to 51 street.she got arrested for x8 days,so she was BOOBLESS
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
friend:stop w the sh jokes there not funny me: its not that deep. ill cut it out
Tj hair line so far back ho friends don't even want to talk to him
I was joking about self harm to my friend and she told me to CUT it out, I couldn't even laugh. When we were at the self checkout she started scanning my arms, I asked her what she was doing she said, ̈Trying to see if it beeps, ya think id get it to work if I scanned your thighs? ̈ I said, ̈Nah bro you'd overload the system if you put it there. ̈
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "that's my step ladder" he said "I never knew my real ladder."
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them
