Food jokes
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
One time I ate a chair.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.