Food jokes
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
What did the cow say to the fat pig?
Moooooooove over!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.
Memes
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
One time I ate a chair.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.