Food jokes

What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?

Vegetable soup.

Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?

Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.

Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?

A: They already ate the bat.

I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

What do you call a baby potato?

Small fry!

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese!

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.

How many are hungry?

A. 10

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

What did the cow say to the fat pig?

Moooooooove over!

Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?

There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?

They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?

About 5000 calories.