Food jokes

I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?

They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?

About 5000 calories.

What's white, red, and screams a lot?

A baby in a blender.

Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?

Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.

One time I ate a chair.

Cesar: What was that good salad called?

Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

Servant: Hail, Cesar.

Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"

The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

What type of bee makes milk?

A boobee.

What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

Sir Loin.

I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...

"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."

Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.