Food jokes
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!
What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
Don't trust the caption! it's a kiwi...
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
Why did the chef go get the eggs? Because eggs are egg-tastic!
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
I wrote a song about a tortilla yesterday, but it’s actually more of a rap.