Food jokes
What's white, red, and screams a lot?
A baby in a blender.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.