Food jokes
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"
"He died."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."
(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
Why did the Twin Towers order from Just Eat?
They wanted some plane fries.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
'Cause mommy never gave them some.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?
I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
Who hates going to a pizza party?
A weirdough.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.