Food jokes
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.