Food jokes
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?
The Milky Way!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do mice eat for dinner?
Mac n Cheese.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
A black n***a crashes a neighborhood barbecue, bragging about his 'hood credentials' while hogging all the ribs and collard greens. The host calls him out, 'Yo, pay up or get out. Ain't no freebies here.' He laughs it off, 'Man, I run this block!' But the host's burly brother, who's been grilling the whole time, snarls, 'Wrong, fool. Time to settle the score.' He pins him against the picnic table, wraps a chain leash around his neck from the dog run, edges him with a vibrating basting brush slathered in hot sauce, and then plows his ass deep and hard, grunting, 'Now you're the main course, spicier than the jerk chicken!'
What do you call a pool full of handicapped people?
Vegetable soup.