Food jokes
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Why couldn't the man get out of the maize maze?
He got corn-ered!
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?
The Milky Way!
What do mice eat for dinner?
Mac n Cheese.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
Can an orphan go to a family restaurant?
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.