Food jokes
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
my new twin
What is an orphan's least favorite snack?
"Dots HOMESTYLE Pretzels!"
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
What's Barack Obama's favorite vegetable? It's Barack-olli.
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Why can't Asians play Baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Q: What is the hardest part of a cabbage?
A: Wheelchair.
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
Yo mama so stupid... she stared at an orange juice carton because it said, "CONCENTRATE!"
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.