Food jokes

The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.

A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.

The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.

Where do orphans go to get a happy meal?

Orph-Donald's.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."

"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"

What's a gay person's favorite meal?

Meat with white sticky stuff.

What is a nut that does magic?

A human that can turn into a nut!

I am a fruitcake. Why? Because I’m fruity and nutty. That’s the joke. Tada!

Q: What is the hardest part of a cabbage?

A: Wheelchair.

Why are mice bad singers?

They are very cheesy.

What's the difference between a bird and jam?

You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.

My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Why do cows die?

'Cuz they are to beef.

Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.

Do you get what I am trying to poke out?

I hate cereal, lol.

What I say when I eat cereal: "Ewww!"

Why did the orphan like milk?

Because their parents went to get milk and never came back!

Orphans will eat toes for food.