Food jokes
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Why did a girl like bananas?
Because one day she might need to be ready.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
What did the snowman ⛄️ eat after dinner?
Ice cream 🍨.
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.
What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay? Bagels.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
What do you call a fish with no tail? A one-eyed grape.
What do you call a guy with a sandwich?
A guy with a sandwich.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hang to with a sledge hammer, the other is just a watermelon.
What is Spiderman's favorite rice?
Uncle Ben's.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."