Food jokes

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯

Friend: You can have my burrito baby.

Gay.

Friend: *begins to moan*

Me: Finna hang up.

What do you call high Mexicans?

Baked beans ;)

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”

Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”

God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”

Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."

Where do cows eat lunch?

In the calfeteria, dumb butt!

Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.

Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?

A: A wheelchair.

Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?

A: Because it tasted like shit.

What is an egg?

Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?

Son goat: No, what?

Dad goat: Goat meat.

Son goat: *Gasps*

Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!

What do you call a pig with two legs? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple always gets picked. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Johnny eats a lot of ham, so he catches lots of spam.

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.