Me: Hey, I have candy.
Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?
Me: Some of deez nuts.
Food Jokes
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
What do squirrels eat?
Nuts. 🥜
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They wanted pepperoni, but instead, they got plane.
1 like = 1 fetus donated to the soup kitchen.
Why are apples and orphans the same?
They always get picked on.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!
Why can't orphans have family size chip bags? Because they have no family to have them with.
What is the best part of being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family sized.
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked.
Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
A: Apples get picked.
