Food jokes

Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?

So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

What do you call high Mexicans?

Baked beans ;)

Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯

Friend: You can have my burrito baby.

Gay.

Friend: *begins to moan*

Me: Finna hang up.

So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”

Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”

God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”

I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."

What is an egg?

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do for you? And dinner, dinner, and what, yyyuyy dinner? 🍴 Night time.

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?

As fat as Ben Dingley.

What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?

A corn stalk!

What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?

Abortion of chips.

What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?

"Ah!"

What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?

"Now sashimi, now you don't!"

What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?

Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.

Why can't blondes make ice?

They forgot the recipe.

Why does the egg crack? Cos it's sad.