Food jokes

A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”

The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”

How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.

How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.

What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?

The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.

What do rappers like cantaloupe?

Because they’re always dropping fresh MELON!

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to drop some HOT PLATES.

What did the rapper say at the bakery?

"I need ALL the dough you got!"

Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?

What did the snowman ⛄️ eat after dinner?

Ice cream 🍨.

Caesar salad, Jack and Jill, little Johnny Koala,

Zebra, monkey, vegetables, bus, baa, bus.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"

The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."

Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.

Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.

How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.

How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.

The waiter said, "What's that?"

I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."