Food jokes
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
What do you call a crazy lesbian?
Fruit Loops.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
When you want Pringles, but a fat person was eating them, there were only three left, sweety.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Only one of them gets picked...
Peanut Butter
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
What do teachers eat? They eat square stuff.
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
Hey Gwen! What is a bean's specialty? Being a jerk!
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.