Food jokes
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
What did the neutron say to the atom?
"Sandwiches, dude!"
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
Memes
SPAGHETTI DEMON
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.