Food jokes

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.

A man ate a bee to mechanical sexting, but he was to be, uh, sex. Bee vagina penis, he want sex but [is] dumb.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?

Good food, but no atmosphere.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Meals on wheels.

What's fun to search for in investigation?

The Milky Way!

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

Why are Bengalis so fishy?

Because the fish ate them on a daily basis.

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What’s a rapper’s favorite type of cereal?

Snap, crackle, and RAP!

Cesar: What was that good salad called?

Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

Servant: Hail, Cesar.

Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

What music scares balloons?

Pop music.

Why would the banana scream "ouch?"

Because it is getting peeled.

Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?

Daddy never came back with the milk.

A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.