Food jokes
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
Paki curry is shit.
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Memes
when your mom finds out you pour milk before cereal
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
Once I heard a joke about chocolate. It wasn't that funny, so I just Snickered.
J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.
Guy: Oh, what is it?
J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.
Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?
Tumblr people: "There are an infinite amount of genders."
The cannibal kid: "Bitch, please. There's just one gender: Food."
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow.
I woke up and my pillow was gone.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
What do you call a retarded cow?
Vegan (vegetable).
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."