Food jokes
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.
What do jokes serve for dessert?
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.
What's the fastest cake? Scone!
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.