Food jokes
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?
Answer: 16
Where do you get milk from? The Milky Way, of course!
What did the roti say to pratha?
You white like a white bastard.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!