What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually, I shouldn't spread it.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
What do gay men like cocks?
🍦🍦🍦 they like the cream filling 😋
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.
Curry.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
For orphans, every bag of chips is family size.
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
