Food jokes
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they got plane pizza instead of cheese!
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.