Food jokes
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."
Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)