Food jokes
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
Memes
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Potatoes
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
What's big, round, and can't move?
A vegetable!
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."