Food jokes
What does an apple and an orphan have in common?
One gets picked.
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic? Free dog food.
Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.
It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
What kind of pizza did the Twin Towers order?
Nothing, it was just plane.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
How is your cereal? Oh, wait.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.
The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"
The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"
What flowers do orphans use?...
Self-raising flour.
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.