Food jokes
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.