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Food jokes

What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

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    • My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

    If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.