Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be expect bagels.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
Your mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Who betrayed Cheesus Christ?
Goudas.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?
Double trousers.
