Food jokes
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date? Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?
Because he had good taste.
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
What do you call a pig that pulled a leg? Pulled pork.
What's the fastest cake? Scone!
The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!
What does a clock do when he's still hungry? He goes back "four" seconds!
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!
Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking. I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.
What's an edible part of a wheelchair?
A vegetable!