Food jokes

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

A baby in the microwave!

How do you get a baby out of a blender?

With Doritos!

Wanna hear a joke about corn?

Never mind, it's too corny.

Want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.

You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?

What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.

fff.

What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!

My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

What do you call a Mexican that dives into a pool? Bean dip.

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!