Food jokes
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Eggs
You crack me up!
A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"
And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"
What country do French Fries come from? Grease.
Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
Why did Brandon harass Sydney because she didn't want to eat his foreskin?
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
What do most disabled people eat?
Their arm.
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?
Sir Loin.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
You want a pizza from me!!!!
Pizzaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"