Food jokes

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

Don't worry, neither have they.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?

You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!

what do you call a retard smoking weed?

a baked potato.

What is the cheapest kind of meat?

Deer balls, two for under a buck!

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?

A: The pizza can support a family of four.

Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

Why will we never get hungry in the desert?

We have lots of sand-which's.

What makes a bird fly?

Bird food!

This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)

Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?

What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?

You better ketchup!

What do you call a malignant cell in Paris?

A Royale with cancer.

Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

Answer: The table part.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?

The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.