Food jokes
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow? So it could have sweet dreams.
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
It gets toasty!
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Mary had a little lamb.
Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef? Beefthoven!
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.
Do you get what I am trying to poke out?