Food jokes

bröd

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

Fuck burger.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

Did you hear the rumors about butter?

Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Keep calm and curry on!

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”

Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......

Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."

I like my women like I like my eggs. Beaten against a table until her insides come out.

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.

Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.