Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef?
Beefthoven!
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.
Do you get what I am trying to poke out?
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?
A: Lean meat.
If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?
"I look like an umbrella."
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by an ice cream truck.
Pineapple goes on pizza.
Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.
The waiter said, "What's that?"
I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."
What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker?
CHEESE-US!
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
