What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
Food Jokes
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!
Hehehehehe.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
What do you call diarrhea from a hot woman? Chocolate milk.
What do you call diarrhea from a fat woman? Arsenic.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
