Food jokes
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Q. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A. A gummy bear.
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
Hey, Hunger Games... I'm full!!
This ain't your mama's monologue.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
What's a skeleton's favorite food?
Spare ribs.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
What's an egg's favorite phrase?
An eggspression.