What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Food Jokes
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
