Food jokes
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What do cannibals call an orphanage? All you can eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
How are orphans and apples different?
One gets picked.