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Food

Food jokes

Why do orphans have cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"

What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."

What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!