Food jokes
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous, aka cashews.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!