What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they got plane pizza instead of cheese!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Bunger.
When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.