Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
Be careful around fire, plastic melts.
The sun is fire.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES.
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
What do all rangas have in common?
They all look like wildfires.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
