Be careful around fire, plastic melts.
I got fired for not doing enough work.
Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
People in Africa have earth, fire, air, but never water.
Why do candles like birthdays?
Because they can get lit!
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
With their FIRE LYRICS
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
