Fire jokes
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
This website!
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
"I created the Human Torch."
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.