Fire jokes

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

Q: What song were the pilots of 9/11 listening to? A: 'So Let's Set The World On Fire.'

What did Rengoku say to his class?

"Set your school ablaze!"

Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.

Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.

My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

With their FIRE LYRICS!

What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?

Answer: fire.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

What do all rangas have in common?

They all look like wildfires.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."