Fire jokes

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

The sun is fire.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

With their FIRE LYRICS!

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

Q: What song were the pilots of 9/11 listening to? A: 'So Let's Set The World On Fire.'

Back the halls with gasoline, la la la la la.

Light a match and watch it gleam, la la la la la.

My school is burnt into ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la.

What did Rengoku say to his class?

"Set your school ablaze!"

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.