What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣
