I got fired from the M&M Factory,because I sorted out the W,s.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
God: i feel like i'm forgetting something....... oh no Earth *sees it on fire* oh it's fine People of Earth: *running and screaming* Santen: *to God* realy
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London ?
All the exit signs were in English
What do you call a wheelchair on fire
Hot weels
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
I feel sad. Because I went to a old man in a wheel chair while he was sitting next to a fire and I screamed hot wheels. 🤣
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids when he came out the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire , they called him hot wheels
what do you call a gay kid that is on fire lgbbq
A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.Demon: why you sad
Guy: I’m in hell can’t u see
Demon: will we have fun here at hell
Guy: really nice
Demon: we do sleeping in on Mondays
GuY:OoOoOo
Demon: Tuesdays we swim in out lava or dive in fire if u die you’re already dead ☠️
Guy: ok dose that meean I’m a ghost
Demon: no ur not a ghost
Demon:Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺
Guy: ooooooo i can’t wait 😜
Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die and ur already dead remember that
Guy: ok but I am dead and if I die again I was already dead right?
Demon: yup.
Demon: I have a question are you gay and do you like kissing fire girls and if u die u are already dead
Guy: Ummm I am not gay and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱
Demon:then u won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday heheh.
Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell🪦🏴☠️☠️☠️💀
Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now
The match: Ur my match The thighs: you light me up
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
911 what's your emergency burning in toaster toast? yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast set fir to my forest
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
dudeeeeeee if there is a watermelon shouldent there me a earthmelon airmelon and a firemelon the elemelons
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot but they're both quiet.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down and he loved it. Not really though.
